Since I Have My Life Before Me

I've been reading the book called "Crazy Love" By Francis Chan. Amazing Book! If you have not had a chance to, you SHOULD read that! So in the Second Chapter there is a portion that discusses the value of life and how we need to take the best of every opportunity. In this chapter it talks about 14 year old Brooke Bronkowski. She was a young christian girl that would babysit for money to buy Bibles to give away to her unsaved friends! Seriously --- 14 years old! Youth pastors heard about this and brought her boxes of Bibles to her. Brooke wrote the following essay when she was about 12 years old.

“Since I Have My Life Before Me”
By Brooke Bronkowski

I’ll live my life to the fullest.  I’ll be happy.  I’ll brighten up.  I will be more joyful than I have ever been.  I will be kind to others.  I will loosen up.  I will tell others about Christ.  I will go on adventures and change the world.  I will be bold and not change who I really am.  I will have no  troubles but instead help others with their troubles.

You see, I’ll be one of those people who live to be history makers at a young age.  Oh, I’ll have moments, good and bad, but I’ll wipe away the bad and only remember the good.  In fact that’s all I remember, just good moments, nothing in between, just living my life to the fullest.  I’ll be one of those people who go somewhere with a mission, an awesome plan, a world-changing plan, and nothing will hold me back.  I’ll set an example for others, I will pray for direction.

I have my life before me.  I will give others the joy I have and God will give me more joy.  I will do everything God tells me to do.  I will follow the footsteps of God.  I will do my best!!!

--SERIOUSLY -- 12 years old!  


During her freshman year in high school, Brooke was in a car accident while driving to the movies. Her life on earth ended when she was just 14, but her impact didn't. Nearly 1,500 people attended Brooke's memorial service. People from her public high school read poems she had written about her love for God. Everyone spoke of her example and her joy. Francis Chan shared the Gospel at her memorial service and invited and invited all who wanted to know Jesus to come up and give their lives to Him. There was about 200 students on their knees at the front of the church praying for salvation. Ushers gave a Bible to each of them. They were Bibles that Brooke had kept in her garage, hoping to give out to all of her unsaved friends. In one day, Brooke led more people to the Lord than most ever will. 




---That's just a short tid bit of the story and a short gander at the beginning of the book!! Great  great book! I'll post more once I finish it :) 

The tongue has the power of life and death

Our preacher started a new series this past week called,

"The Summer of Love" 

In the first sermon, he talks about the strength of words, and how strong and bold statements can be. For example, "I Love You." It is a phrase that people take for granted... Even myself sometimes. My family has this phrase that we say at the end of a phone call, "Love ya bye." It really does mean, "I love you have a good day." But sometimes it becomes a ritual and it doesn't affect me like it should. This is another thing that God has been working on me with. I'll hear something on the radio or say something to someone and think... Wow, that's a bold statement. It just amazes me the power that the tongue really does have. Some words can really lift people up and encourage, some words can really bring someone down. Some words have caused people to commit suicide... The tongue really does have the power of life and death (Proverbs 18:21). So this is what I challenge you... Take the time to think about things that you say and the meaning behind it. Try to really consider the strength of your words and use your words wisely :). 

The No Devotional Challenge...

Ok, so I took the challenge to not depend on devotionals and to completely flood my mind with scripture alone and ask God to show me some things...

Wow... What a challenge! 


Once I did that and started reading scripture alone, it was like God just completely filled my mind with a million thoughts. I started to dig into the passages of Ruth and learning the real story behind her life and how she became Boaz's wife... Did you know that she went to his bed and laid at his feet??

**Let's just think about that for a minute... This is back in the day, when people wore robes and it was an absolute no, no for a woman to be in another mans room without being his wife.

THEN, when he told her that if no one else would take her he would take care of her... He went to the elders and in order to "Seal the Deal" He gave the elder one of his Sandals... That's how they made deals... It was like a binding contract! I think that is so interesting... It's amazing how completely different life is now, compared to then. It seriously blows my mind.

For example...

On Saturday night we went out to see Trasnformer's 3. After that we were all hungry, so we went downtown to Jimmy John's. When we got there, honestly there were about a million people on Elm Street and I completely felt out of my element. We pass by this club of some sort and in the glass window there are two girls standing their in lingerie, dancing...

I mean, really! I was completely offended. With that being said, it just blows my mind to read scripture and see the differences in respect and tone of voice that people gave one another. It seems like a completely different world.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another thing that I have learned in scripture and in life lessons that God is teaching me this week. I have been very impatient in finding out some news about a Job that Kyle applied for. So I get a little irritated having to wait for the information. Only, to find myself freak out about other things when I do finally get the answers. God is trying to bring me back to earth and tell me that I need to be patient. Then on top of that He is trying to show me that HE is in control... I can not take the bull by the horns in this situation. I have to wait on Him to take charge. I have still been reading, "My Utmost for His Highest" along with my scriptural devotions.

Today the message from, "My Utmost for His Highest" explained that sometimes,

"God gives us a vision, and then He takes us down to the valley to batter us into the shape of that vision. It is in the valley that so many of us give up and faint. Every God-given vision will become real if we will only have patience."

That just sums it up for me lol... The Job that Kyle was just offered is part of a calling we have felt as a couple for over a year now and it seems like God is just taking the time to get us into shape for what is to come. I don't know what He has in store for us, but I know it's going to be a fun journey... We have been patiently waiting for this opportunity and it is finally here, and I'm learning to Let God take the reigns even a bit stronger than I usually do. So if you are reading this... Please pray for me for the next few months. I need to let God do his thing and sit back and enjoy the ride. :)

Prayer...

So I've been learning a lot about myself from this 40 day fast from Facebook. It has been a very exciting experience, but some things that I have learned have not been so exciting...

I've learned that I am too dependent on electronics. Even without Facebook, I find myself consumed in my phone playing games or looking at YouTube or whatever. So I've tried really hard to break away from that. Even if I haven't been able to break completely free from it, I have made progress. And I have made time most every night to read and go through devotionals. One thing that was brought to my attention through my Sister's blog, however... Has been that I depend too much on devotional books instead of consuming myself in the Bible.

Why is that so hard??? 


I don't know why, but I know what my thoughts are on it so get ready...

We get so consumed when reading the Bible about not being able to understand exactly what God means by things that we depend on Devotionals and Commentaries to make sense of all of the depth in the Bible. What IF, we decided to ONLY read the Bible and pray that God would allow us to find the understanding in it. For God to join us in our Bible study and learn what God really wanted to teach us, instead of depending on other people to tell us... Who better to learn from than the Holy Spirit himself!?


Maybe I'm wrong, but it sounds like a fun experiment. We'll see how it goes :)

Holy Experiment

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship." 

Romans 12:1 

In the words of Oswald Chambers... 

"There is only one thing that you can dedicate to God, and that is your right to yourself. If you will give God your right to yourself, He will make a holy experiment out of you -- and His experiments always succeed."

October 3rd, 2007

So today is the first day back from our amazing vacation. I have come to grips with the fact that I really need to take a break from Facebook, because it is TOTALLY consuming my life and that is really hindering my walk with God. So today I decided to find the books that I have bought throughout the years and read them one by one... I am going on a fast from Facebook for 40 days. While I do that, we are canceling our Cable. Which will give me all the more reason to read The Word, and the other books that I have been meaning to read...

While looking for this book, I found a list that I had made back on October 3rd, 2007. This may be silly but it's something that I thought I should share :)

"15 Things I want in my Future Husband"

1. Spiritual Leader
2. Faithful & Honest
3. Good Personality
4. Encouraging
5. Supportive
6. Ambitious
7. Humble
8. Respects me, & my thoughts
9. Believes in me, & Trusts me
10. Same Core Beliefs
11. Great with Kids
12. Patient
13. Tender Hearted (toward others)
14. Good Communicator
15. Positive Attitude

--- Now, let me put a small disclaimer out there, these are not in a specific order of importance... they are just the 15 things that I wanted in a Husband. Now I don't know who all reads this and you may or may not know my husband... But I'll tell you one thing...

God really did bless me and give me what I asked for.

I had forgotten about this list, and honestly I don't know if Kyle and I had met at this point, but I know one thing, that God NEVER seems to amaze me with the blessings he chooses to give me. I am SO not worthy, but for some reason, God sees fit to bless me with exactly what I asked for in a Husband. I honestly could not have picked a better man myself! I know that God picked him for me, because I don't deserve his love either! It really proves to me how much I need to trust in God more! I do not give him enough credit for all that He does for me! But that's about to change!

Since our vacation in Wilmington (and a few years before that) Kyle and I have been yearning to live in Wilmington to help with Crosswinds Church. It is a church plant that Kyle's uncle started in Leland, NC. We have wanted to be there helping out since before we got married. While Kyle and I were there, we both continued to have a tug on our hearts to be there and help with the church. So from now until March, we are going to do some heavy praying to just ask God to show us the way of where He needs us to be. Even though we would LOVE to be in Wilmington... If that is not where God needs us to be, then we are asking God to open up opportunities in Greensboro for us to Serve Him. We absolutely want what God wants. I know this may seem crazy. But ultimately, we just want to be used by Him! Whether that means, here in Greensboro, or moving to Wilmington. Either way, we don't want to miss any opportunities. So if anyone does read this... Please help us in praying for a clear pathway of what God wants us to do. We want this to be a clear desire from the Lord, and to know exactly where our talents are needed.

Here are some pics of a Service project we helped out with in Leland, while we were on Vacation!

This is the "Free Sale"

They had sooo many clothes that were given to the Community for Free :) 

More of the "Free Sale"

Matthew 25:34-40 

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." - Matthew 25:40

Not only were all items given away for FREE, we had the chance to talk to people one on one and just share God's love! Not to press a church or religion on anyone just shared God's Love! 

Ok this is a fun one... We gave away free soda's as well since it was about 95 degrees outside lol... This little boy couldn't decide if he wanted Coke or Sprite... so he had both! :) Hilarious! 

And these were the shirts that were given out for the Volunteers to wear... "I Love LA" which stands for  Leland Area... 

I'll write soon! :)

Vacation...

Gooday Mate...

So Kyle and I have been on our 2nd vacation as a married couple... We went to Wilmington... The place that has our heart! We have been wanting to live in Wilmington since before we got engaged! It is the place  where God brought us back together, where our REAL church is... It is ultimately the place we have a huge passion for!

We got here late Friday night and have been staying with Kyle's Aunt & Uncle. We went to a community service project called, "I Love LA." It is the way that Crosswinds (the best church ever) serves their community. It was a new project where the church connected with 3 other churches in the community and they all served together... Not to promote any church or anything like that... It was to promote Jesus and Jesus alone :)! That is just amazing to me! It's very rare that you hear about other churches even communicating with one another. (Side note... 300 churches were invited to join in on this idea... only 6 responded... what does that tell us about "Church" these days) It just really spoke to me that Crosswinds took the initiative to not only try to Serve the World with God's love, but to Serve the World with other churches to show the power of God's love!

So we got to be a part of that event and that just tugged at our hearts all the more! They had several different serving opportunities. Highway clean up, Free Oil change for Seniors & Single Moms, Construction projects, Gave out quarters at the Laundry Mat, and a "Free Sale" (basically a yard sale with donated things, that people could shop for free :) ). It was such an amazing time!  We learned so much about people and just how much people are longing for love! It was really amazing to be able to be  a part of that and just realize the need...

It also taught me how much I am missing in opportunities with people. Since we have been married, we have not been able to really get plugged into our church and serve... So if anyone would join us in prayer to make sure that we are allowing God to open up opportunities for us to serve him in all aspects of our life that would be super... We have had the discussion to make it a mission to move to Wilmington, possibly in this up coming March... With that being said, we have made the commitment to pray that God will show us where he needs us to be, if Wilmington is not where God needs us, then we are praying that He will open up opportunities for us in Greensboro. We just want to make sure that we are not missing opportunities. -- After having this discussion and praying about it on Saturday, we went to church on Sunday... Low and Behold, Chris (Kyle's Uncle) preached on Missed Opportunities... I balled like a little school girl. I don't know what God was trying to say to me, but I was definitely touched by the service and it just confirmed in my soul that I am missing opportunities that I am completely unaware about. And I don't want to miss any opportunities that could be my last opportunity... So Thank you God for opening my eyes and helping me see something that I have been missing.

Plus I am encouraged to blog more... We'll see how that goes ;). I forget that I have this thing, most of the time and then I think, O YEA, I need to look at that and type something in... Kyle didn't even know I had this blog until tonight... I only started it for Kayla, lol and didn't think that I should open my heart up to anyone else... If no one knows about the blog then they won't read it :) then it'll be a small portion of my soul, written out for me and my sister :) Have a good night Kayla :) Love Love Love you!

Frustrated with myself...

 I have not been consistent with this... I really want to but I don't think that my life is great enough to spread around and let the world read about it. I'm not sure what my problem is, but I constantly compare myself to other people. Don't get me wrong. I'm a very happy person, I'm completely and TOTALLY happy with my life! I have an amazing Husband who I could not have picked better myself. God has completely blessed me with him and the pathways that He has brought us to. I think that my insecurities max me out sometimes though... For some reason I find myself thinking about my weight and how I don't feel pretty and think... "How did I let myself get here?" I'm not fat. I'm just out of shape. I've gained probably 20 lbs since high-school and that is overwhelming to me.
I constantly look at other women and think about the way that their clothes fit and think... man I wish I looked like them... WHAT IS MY PROBLEM!? I mean really. I am not that bad looking and I'm not completely overweight! What is it about this life that makes me so insecure?? My Husband loves me and thinks that I look good... Why is it so hard for me to grasp??

I just want to get to the point where I can finally say... I'm content with the way that I look. I'm not worried about what other people think about me, because I feel pretty. I want to feel invigorated & confident in myself... Why do women have so many insecurities?? I try to remind myself that God made me the way I am and to "pretend" confident... But it never fails... the dang mirror gets in the way and my magnifiers kick in... I'm sorry... That's really enough venting. To conclude from that verbal abuse to myself lol...

I am such a blessed woman. No matter what I have done in my past... God has completely redeemed who I am and what I have done for the better. I only hope that one day God will see fit to use me in ways that will help other people to either heal from my mistakes, or learn from them. I want so badly to take more time for people... but life gets sooo busy that I can barely make time for myself. That is my goal for this month. I want to be more involved in my devotions. I want to be more involved with my husband. I want to be more involved with my friends. Mainly and above all of that I want to be more involved with God. I have been such an angry person lately and I think it is because I have not really taken the time to sit down and let God take the frustration away from me. I tend to lean on myself and beat myself up... Then I get to an emotional breaking point and realize... HEY, You're not alone! You don't have to face this by yourself! You can cast your cares on HIM! And allow these burdens to lift...

The worst thing is...

What if I am missing opportunities by not being in the place that God wants me to be??
What if I am so consumed in my insecurities and my concerns that I am not allowing God to use me and I am not showing the Love of God???

--These things are so much greater than my insecurities of who I am and what I look like... It breaks my heart to think that one day I will face the Almighty God and have his head hang low and say, "Why didn't you do all that you could?" "Why were you so consumed in your insecurities and YOURSELF?"

So.... needless to say... This crap stops now! I am going to be confident in the way God made me. I'm going to do better in all that I eat and try my best to be a healthier me, so that I'm not so fed up with how I look. I'm not going to be soooo consumed in MYSELF! I'm going to try and take a leap and think about others and learn how to reconnect with people. I'm going to slack off of Facebook and reconnect with my Husband. I'm going to write more letters and learn to take time away from electronics... I'm going to dig into devotions and pray for God to teach me where I am lacking so that I can experience opportunities He is waiting to share with me! I'm done moping... This is the Day the Lord Has Made... I will Rejoice and Be Glad in It!

Life

I'm going to be honest... I feel like blogging is very personal and I don't know how I feel about the world being able to read my thoughts. Even though I only have 1 follower. My sister.I feel like I should really just be writing her a letter ;). But while on the subject of family... I'm going through some crazy emotional issues of missing the way things were before I got married. Don't get me wrong I LOVE BEING MARRIED!

I just miss being a kid and having my sisters around to play around and joke with and get on each others nerves... I feel like I took all that for granted then... And now I'm having to deal with not having that. We all have separate lives and hardly have time to play or talk even... I'm not saying that is bad, I just miss the good ole days and wish I could go back and revisit them for a while. 1- we didn't take enough home videos. 2- there should be a machine that allows you to go back to moments like that. If only...

On another note, we are moving! This coming week we will be in a new place that we will hopefully call home for the next few years. I'm so ready to have things out of boxes and looking like a home. It's amazing how much I like a clean house since I moved out on my own... It's kind of anal. ANNNNNNDD I wont have to deal such obnoxious neighbors and their crazy hours and being able to hear their every move... GRRR. Well that's all for now. Need to catch some ZZZZZ's... Night night. Don't let the bed bugs bite...

Life lessons

God has really been so great lately... He has brought people into my life to remind me how lame I am... I'm so consumed in getting a house, saving more money etc... But I'm constanly reminded that I need to give more and stop being so selfish. I have all these wants and don't take others into consideration. Like my warm apartment this Winter for example. I walk in from my warm car through the freezing cold into my warm apartment and don't think twice. But there are so many people who do not have the luxuries that I do. I'm such a selfish jerk. So with all that said. I'm trying to keep my mind open to giving more than wanting. I don't need for anything... I NEED to GIVE!

Bloggin...

Ok... So I've been looking and reading a few people's blogs and talked to my sister and thought I would start one of my own. I've not really wanted a blog since the good ole' Xanga days :) wow that makes me feel old. :/

So I'm married now and life is oh so fabulous :) I have a wonderful Husband who is very thoughtful and loves me very much! :) Happy Days :)

I have a crazy burden on my heart today... I kinda feel weird about pouring my heart out online too because it feels like I'm sharing a diary with the world... But I guess I need to give it a go to connect with some Peeps ;)

Ok so the burden... I am a worry wort to the core. I am constantly concerned about finances, my weight and my abilities at work. I have a problem with insecurities and my goal is to get a hold of them this year. I started a study with mom at First Wesleyan on King David by Beth Moore. I'm really excited about it because I am in desperate need of some Bible study in my life... I don't depend on God like I should. Which I don't understand, because he has NEVER failed me before. So on the top of my list of working on things... That is top priority.

I think this may be good for my first blog... More to come later :)